The Second Step to Breaking the Resistance to change:Acknowledge Your Fears

We turn our focus towards identifying the hidden fears and connecting them to the behaviors discussed last week. Though you may not like to talk about your fears, you must break the taboo if you want to overcome your resistance to change.      

How to identify your fears

In last week’s hypothetical, you set a commitment goal to establish healthy boundaries. The sabotaging behaviors included defaulting to saying yes to requests and failing to speak your truth. Let’s identify the fears accompanying those behaviors. Ask yourself:

  1. What do I fear/worry will happen if I say no? I worry people will think I am selfish.

  2. What do I fear/worry will happen if I speak my truth? I worry I will be seen as aggressive.

The trickle down effect

Because you don’t want to feel those fears, you make competing commitments to suppress them. For instance, to avoid the fear of being deemed selfish, you commit to overworking. To avoid the fear of being deemed aggressive, you commit to passivity. 

Acknowledging the fears and competing commitments often causes people to feel shame, but I encourage you to see it as an “AHA moment” instead.  Now you understand why it is so hard to accomplish the goal! You have behaviors, fears, and commitments hindering you. Do this activity, reflect on your AHA, and commit to interrupting one of your competing commitments. You’re on the road to freedom!

Next week, we discuss the driver of this resistance ship, the big assumption!

 With love and solidarity, 

Dr. Annice E. Fisher 

Founder, The BEE FREE Woman

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Annice Fisher